I got my school schedule today and I completely freaked out. 

Semester One

1. Accounting
2. Lunch
3. Algebra and Discrete Mathematics
4. Law
5. Data Management

Semester Two

1. Economics
2. Lunch
3. English
4. Calcalus
5. Spare

I went from person to person asking for advice and guidance.  I finally talked to Johanna and saw things from a brighter point of view.   I was worried because I had Discrete and Data in the same semester.  Brb on this one.

click here

Today was my cardio day so I thought it'd be okay for me to go to the Y at 5PM and still make it in time for my shift at 6PM.  Boy was I wrong!  I finished at 5:45 and didn't even get a full 30 minutes of cardio done; more like 25 minutes.  It took me a while to dry myself off, to smell pretty, and get all prettied up for work.  Not to mention it was stinking hot outside!  I am never going to work out before I go to work EVER.  It just takes too much preparation. 

So my whole vegetarian thing's gone down the drain.  After talking to some of my co-workers, they have convinced me that going all vegetarian is not healthy, especially because my body is used to eating meat.  So right now I'm just stuck on eating healthy.  I will maybe venture back to this vege thing later.  My co-worker told me to start with like no red meat, then no chicken, no fish, and so on.  But I guess I'll just see how I feel this week.  No red meat seems doable, except, where would I get my iron from?

There's something wrong with me.  I know it.  I need to feel better about myself.  I may seem like a very confident person on the outside, but inside, I'm falling to peices.  I need to feel assured about the things I am doing in my life; assured about my self image, and my intelligence.  I don't think I can ever fully commit myself to a relationship of any kind when I don't even love me for me.  I'm always so paranoid, so worried, so unsure of things.  For now I just need a break away from everything.  A break from people.   It's time for me to turn into a hermit, even more so than right now.  I need support and encouragement.  I'm just not getting it.

I think that it may just be me in the sense that I'm extremely paranoid..? And I expect a lot from people. I don't know. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not good enough for certain people. Or I feel like I'm only good enough for certain people when I am most advantageous to them. Even though I definitely do not have a huge circle of close close friends I can count on. I am glad I have the couple of friends who I know I can depend on. I guess you can say I expect a lot from close friends. In my opinion, a great friend is somebody who, despite maybe not talking after a couple days/weeks/months, will call you up and ask you how your day was. Sometimes I feel like I'm on a one way street with friendships. But that's okay, because as long as I have the couple of great friends I am happy.

Yes, I think that I may have high standards for close friends. But I guess you can say that it matters to me how much my friends actually care for me. Care for me in the sense that they are willing to initiate conversations, willing to listen and etc. I guess it all boils down to feeling wanted, needed, and important to the friendship.

A little bit of a high maintenance friend? I think so! But hey, I'm an emotional person. =S But yeah, to those few, and you know who you are, who I can just talk to and talk to and talk to, thank you. Thank you for taking me as me, never judging me, and never putting me down.  I KNOW, I KNOW this is sounding a lot like a bunch of cheese.  But its honest and true and that's all that matters.

[

mood

|

determined

]

So I decided I wanted to go vegetarian for a week.  I was interested in seeing whether or not I'd be able to withstand the challenge, and how my overall being would feel like without meat.  Well, I told myself I'd start this past Tuesday.  I ended up eating meat without even realizing that I was doing it on Tuesday.  I had a great steak dinner on Wednesday and the list continues.  Going vegetarian is more difficult than I first figured it would be.  But I'm ever so much determined to at least follow through for a week.  Partly because I'm curious, and partly because I want to see whether or not I can lose any weight. 

I, Betty, will not eat red meat, chicken or fish for the duration of August 15 - 22.

There, I put it up here.  Now, I know I will follow through.  Why not start sooner?  I have a work dinner on Sunday night.  There's no way I would miss out all the delicious meat there now would I?  It'd be a temptation too hard to resist.

On another note.  I'm pretty positive I'm going to the Dominican Republic this winter break.  YES! It's going to be too awesome, and hopefully I can bring a friend as planned!  I looked through a few of the hotels and such, and I am so excited.  I am also determined as ever to lose the weight and the inches.  Seriously, I always tell myself  I'm going to do so, but I never end up reaching my goal.  The way I think about it; if I wanted to lose the weight and the inches, I would have many months before now.  I guess I never really wanted to.  But now, it's a must.  I want to feel comfortable being on the beach in December.  So I have to work on a 4 month plan.  A four month vegetarian plan? Uhh, yeah I might be stretching it there.  But it would be the most ideal.

I, Betty, will exercise at least two times a week for the rest of the year of 2004. 

(I'd put more days to work out during the week.  But like this past school year, I know that I'm going to be swamped with school work, extra curricular activities, and work.  So, I decided to put it at 2x just to be on safe side).

So there you have it.  I wrote out my goals.  I want to achieve them.  In fact, I will achieve them. I'm excited. 

[	mood	|	anxious	]
[	music	|	taking back sunday - number five with a bullet	]

bottom/middle: bich, serena, viv, angela, grace, nancy, lisa, sindy, bonnie

Good times last night and as always with the girls.  =)

Good talk about life with Vivian too =)  I love how we're going to be next door neighbours when we get married and move to the houses on the Thousand Islands.  It's so happening when I marry my plastic surgeon husband. I like to think about that kind of stuff.  As in how I'm going to release doves at my wedding.  And then be carried away by a carriage drawn horse at the end of the ceremony.  My honeymoon will be in two parts; backpacking through Europe and hot, exotic trip to Jamaica.  I cannot wait =)  Now.. only to find the man.

[	mood	|	tired	]
[	music	|	Taking Back Sunday - Cute Without the E	]

The weekend sure seems to be very short when ALL I DO IS WORK and don't have any time for play.  I am already looking forward to this coming weekend and it's Monday.  Work at John Fraser is actually pretty good.  The kids actually respond to me, which is awesome, and thankfully I'm teaching Grade 10 Academic.

Honestly, had an awesome, awesome time =)  A must-have with all the hours of work I've been doing.  I'm doing around 40 hours/week this month =S, but it's okay because once the cash flows into the bank it is ALL GRAVY BABY

[	mood	|	cheerful	]
[	music	|	young buck - let me in	]

Okay, love how I stayed up until 4am in the morning again, and this time talking to good old long time friend Nirun. It's been a while buddy!  But yeah, I don't know how I'm going to manage to change my sleeping habits before summer school starts.  And by the way, I will actually be working, teaching others, so I have no clue how I'm going to stay awake.  Can I say coffee will be my best friend?  Well anyways, I'm going to be working a FULL CASH SHIFT today at work!  I'm more than happy because I've been waiting to do an actual cash shift in so long.  No more selling and folding clothes!  At least for today anyways, because I know they will put me back on the floor, cleaning and selling in no time!  I can't believe how nice it is outside today, but love how I have to work tonight and for the rest of the weekend!  Or else, I'd so be downtown with Nickie today, even though for some wack reason I never manage to buy anything when we go downtown shopping anyways.  You know what I've realized, as sheltered as I am with my parents and all, I still manage to have an awesome time talking to friends online or in person or on the phone, and an awesome time when I do get the chance to see them in person which is like barely once a week.  AH.. I love my friends :)  Yes, today is a good day.